I was speaking to a close friend last night. She was lamenting the fact that she has not yet met “the one” (personally, I have no doubt that she will; I can’t think of a reason why she wouldn’t). Because I recognize this process can be a difficult one, I’m happy to lend an ear. Many did for me when I was in her shoes a few years back. What I said to her and how she responded turned out to be more thought-provoking for me than I believe it was for her.
I thought I was being a good friend when I said “You just have to believe you will meet the right person.” She replied “This whole thing is so confusing. They tell us to ‘believe’ and then say ‘but don’t let your expectations get too high.’ They say ‘it happens when you least expect it’ and then they tell us ‘always have your eyes open for the right person.’” She was right. What a paradox! And then it hit me: when you come right down to it we are a whole culture of “expect the best but prepare for the worst” people.
Our elders are a good example of this. For many of us while growing up, our parents and teachers told us “follow your dreams” but then encouraged us to “be smart and play it safe.” Some even told us that if we didn’t play it safe, somehow we’d pay the price. I have another friend whose mom has been encouraging her to take a job that would provide a modest yet steady paycheck rather than pursue her dream at 40 of being a singer. There’s a message in there that following our dreams just isn’t “realistic.” Who wouldn’t be confused or even fearful? Honestly, this is no slight on our elders. They love us, they mean well and the last thing they want is to see us get hurt. But if you go one step further, there often seems to be someone close by ready and willing to tell us the “downside” of whatever it is that excites us.
“You’re going to try that in this economy?”
“Meeting people is just impossible.”
“Only a small percentage of people who try that succeed”
“Make sure you’re not biting off more than you can chew.”
“Don’t set yourself up for failure.”
If life prompts us to stick our necks out for what we want, why don’t we encourage each other to take fate up on the offer? I think it becomes a question of managing risk. What’s the risk in whole-heartedly believing with no fear whatsoever that you’ll meet the “right one?” What’s the risk in following your passion, even if there are financial or personal factors? Is the biggest risk that you might get your heart broken or end up working a traditional job anyway? I submit that the biggest risk of all might be going through life saying “I’m going to play it nice and safe because I don’t really expect my dreams to come true anyway.” Even as I re-read that sentence it seems tragic.
I’m not saying there aren’t plenty of good people around us that don’t have valuable and helpful input. I’m just saying that it might be worth learning to separate the valuable from the cynical. I’m starting to believe that the people who succeed – really succeed—are the people who just get really good at tuning out the “Downsiders.” They are a breed of people that know that “reality” often bends to the will of the bold. They know the power of a healthy dose of what many would call “denial.” As far as the naysayers? Bless them, love them, silently thank them for their concern and forge ahead. It’s your adventure. Is it denial or faith? It’s really up to you.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
Not Just Another Day at the Office
In my last work experience, I was working long, crazy hours, including some nights and weekends. Seeing my girlfriends was a real novelty (sometimes months would go by before I saw any one particular friend). Being on hiatus allows me to get together far more often and sometimes in the middle of the week.
Yesterday, I went to the mall with one friend and her little girl. Her daughter is four-years-old and incredibly glib. She’s one of those little people that say frighteningly astute things and you’d swear she’s been to this life before. Further, her mom has made a policy of speaking to her like a person since the beginning; there’s never been any goo-goo/ga-ga.
Truth be told, I’m completely attached to this child. I’m privileged in the sense that my friend has made a real effort to make me a part of her daughter’s life. She calls me “Aunt Michele” and puts her little hand in mine and I swear I just want to buy her Disney stock.
As we were walking from store to store, occasionally my little friend would ask me to pick her up and carry her. She’s a total peanut so I didn’t mind. She made this very request as we were strolling through the Gap and as I hoisted her up my tank top tugged down more than a bit. I said to her “Do you think we could pull up Aunt Michele’s shirt so we don’t show her boobies to the whole world?” She took her little finger and gently poked me in the left breast. With that she murmured, “soft.” I said, “Oh, thanks.” Without missing a beat she said, “Mommy’s are flat.” Of course, for a split second I had one of those “where does she get this stuff?” moments. I told her, “well, honey, some are big and some are little.” Thinking that would be the end of it, I started toward the sale rack. Before I even got there she asked, “How big will mine be?” I told her, “I don’t know honey, it’s too soon to tell” and watched as her little face pondered that fact.
Now, there’s a conversation I wouldn’t normally have on any given Thursday in the office!
Yesterday, I went to the mall with one friend and her little girl. Her daughter is four-years-old and incredibly glib. She’s one of those little people that say frighteningly astute things and you’d swear she’s been to this life before. Further, her mom has made a policy of speaking to her like a person since the beginning; there’s never been any goo-goo/ga-ga.
Truth be told, I’m completely attached to this child. I’m privileged in the sense that my friend has made a real effort to make me a part of her daughter’s life. She calls me “Aunt Michele” and puts her little hand in mine and I swear I just want to buy her Disney stock.
As we were walking from store to store, occasionally my little friend would ask me to pick her up and carry her. She’s a total peanut so I didn’t mind. She made this very request as we were strolling through the Gap and as I hoisted her up my tank top tugged down more than a bit. I said to her “Do you think we could pull up Aunt Michele’s shirt so we don’t show her boobies to the whole world?” She took her little finger and gently poked me in the left breast. With that she murmured, “soft.” I said, “Oh, thanks.” Without missing a beat she said, “Mommy’s are flat.” Of course, for a split second I had one of those “where does she get this stuff?” moments. I told her, “well, honey, some are big and some are little.” Thinking that would be the end of it, I started toward the sale rack. Before I even got there she asked, “How big will mine be?” I told her, “I don’t know honey, it’s too soon to tell” and watched as her little face pondered that fact.
Now, there’s a conversation I wouldn’t normally have on any given Thursday in the office!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Bureaucrazy
Today, I spent a good portion of my day dealing with the Department of Labor and Employment. I realize now that this is a rite of passage most people experience at one point or another and this was my very first time. If you’ve only done battle with the DMV, I’m here to impart that you are, indeed, still a novice when dealing with bureaucracy.
I sat down in my home office with my coffee and picked up the phone. I was ready. Now, just for you “techie types” that might be reading this and wondering why I didn’t make my inquiry on-line, I did: they seem to have lost my information and I now had to search in vain for someone with a pulse (I’m thinking as I write this I should have been more specific and hoped for someone with a heart).
There are roughly 50 numbers you can try on the department’s website, each for a different city in that state. I tried a good sample of them. I called towns [allegedly] from one end of the state to the other (I recognize it’s possible it all goes to the same frustrating recording, but with all of those numbers listed I had to try). After going thru the “menu” with each attempt, I heard over and over, “due to high call volumes we cannot take your call at this time; please call back later” I knew I was going to have to get creative.
A friend suggested, since I speak conversational Spanish, to try pressing “numero dos” when prompted. Muy bien! Feeling awfully smart, I pressed two, went through the prompts and was informed in Spanish “due to high call volumes we cannot take your call at this time; please call back later." It occurs to me, with all the unemployed people available (and obviously trying to get through to the Department of Labor) why don’t they hire some of them to answer the phone? With the property taxes being what they are in that state, you’d have believe they can afford it.
As a last resort (and because it was now a mission) I called some obscure number I found on another part of the web site. Finally! I got a recording that was different from the one I’d heard repeatedly until this point. The recording I got was “The average wait time is now 60 minutes.” I waited so long the battery on my cordless phone died and I had to switch it before I lost my place in line. It didn’t take the full 60 minutes but the representative I got was the culmination of this experience. I presented her with my non-stupid questions and before she gave me the answers I got the obligatory “forced exhale and sucking of the tooth” treatment. I remembered to wish her a nice day.
The real irony is that you get roughly the same treatment if you call the “broadband and entertainment” company I just left. With many large companies, if you have a question about your bill you might actually get to the point where you wonder if they're hoping you’ll get so frustrated you’d just pay it and go away. So, point taken. I get it, I really do. The goal is to make this so little fun you’d most certainly rather find a job!
I sat down in my home office with my coffee and picked up the phone. I was ready. Now, just for you “techie types” that might be reading this and wondering why I didn’t make my inquiry on-line, I did: they seem to have lost my information and I now had to search in vain for someone with a pulse (I’m thinking as I write this I should have been more specific and hoped for someone with a heart).
There are roughly 50 numbers you can try on the department’s website, each for a different city in that state. I tried a good sample of them. I called towns [allegedly] from one end of the state to the other (I recognize it’s possible it all goes to the same frustrating recording, but with all of those numbers listed I had to try). After going thru the “menu” with each attempt, I heard over and over, “due to high call volumes we cannot take your call at this time; please call back later” I knew I was going to have to get creative.
A friend suggested, since I speak conversational Spanish, to try pressing “numero dos” when prompted. Muy bien! Feeling awfully smart, I pressed two, went through the prompts and was informed in Spanish “due to high call volumes we cannot take your call at this time; please call back later." It occurs to me, with all the unemployed people available (and obviously trying to get through to the Department of Labor) why don’t they hire some of them to answer the phone? With the property taxes being what they are in that state, you’d have believe they can afford it.
As a last resort (and because it was now a mission) I called some obscure number I found on another part of the web site. Finally! I got a recording that was different from the one I’d heard repeatedly until this point. The recording I got was “The average wait time is now 60 minutes.” I waited so long the battery on my cordless phone died and I had to switch it before I lost my place in line. It didn’t take the full 60 minutes but the representative I got was the culmination of this experience. I presented her with my non-stupid questions and before she gave me the answers I got the obligatory “forced exhale and sucking of the tooth” treatment. I remembered to wish her a nice day.
The real irony is that you get roughly the same treatment if you call the “broadband and entertainment” company I just left. With many large companies, if you have a question about your bill you might actually get to the point where you wonder if they're hoping you’ll get so frustrated you’d just pay it and go away. So, point taken. I get it, I really do. The goal is to make this so little fun you’d most certainly rather find a job!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Beware the business of job searching
I recently had my resume professionally re-written. When I told friends and colleagues I was going to “have my resume done,” I heard mixed reviews. Some saw it as an expensive and unnecessary measure. Still, when it came to marketing myself to potential employers, it was the one area where I felt slightly under confident. Interviewing and networking come naturally to me, but whenever someone asked for my resume I felt myself stiffen slightly. I’d written my own resume in the past and never felt it was what you’d call “stellar,” much less really tout my skills with any kind of real splash.
With my mind set, I went looking for a qualified expert. I started asking for referrals and a friend of a friend knew a professional resume writer she called “amazing.” That’s actually how I met Deb Wheatman (if this part sounds like a shameless plug for my friend, I’m willing to live with it. Deb actually IS amazing. You can find her at http://resumesdonewrite.blogspot.com/). When all was said and done, I was thrilled with the results. There they were on the pages—all my skills and experiences. But they were presented in such a way that I now wanted everyone to have this description of me. It was like when someone takes your picture and you look so good you can hardly believe it’s you. I felt like it should have come with a cape and tights; with this resume, I was Super Candidate! I took my snazzy new CV and I hit the streets. I applied for jobs on-line, posted it on networking web sites and sent it off to valuable contacts.
A few days ago I signed up for a popular job searching web site; one that promises $100k jobs. I followed all the necessary protocols to open an account and uploaded my masterpiece. I was surprised to find there was a small fee involved, unlike some of the other career sites, but decided to sign up anyway. Not long after, I was contacted by the “staff” at that same site with an offer to “critique” my resume to ensure I would get the most out of their services. “Ha!” I thought “bring it on” and agreed to the challenge. Naturally, I expected to receive a response that sounded a lot like “Congratulations! Your resume is perfect! It needs nothing!”
Instead, I was sent a long reply detailing how my resume was “weak” and how I wouldn’t get interviews because of it. Lucky for me they’d be happy to “fix it” for the bargain price of $695 and if I acted now they’d throw in a cover letter for no additional charge (a $135 value!). The message went on and on and was totally clear: My wonderful resume (the one written by a recommended, certified professional) wasn’t good enough.
Then it hit me and I was furious. This was a commercial. One with an ominous warning: make this additional “investment” and have a bright future or decline their offer and perish in unemployment.
This is the business end of job searching and just as in fashion, cosmetics, fitness or whatever, there’s money to be made in convincing you that you’re not good enough. When looking for a new job, especially if you don’t currently have one, it’s natural to have anxieties around who will or won’t like you and what you should do to up your chances. From that angle, it’s easy to take job searchers for a ride. Do you need a professional resume that represents you well in the job market? Absolutely. Should you have your resume professionally written? At least once in your career, yes you probably should. Do you need to complete that exercise over and over to fulfill a revenue opportunity for those who see you as easy prey? No.
While there are certainly qualified experts who can offer you valuable information and services, there are just as many people ready and willing to profit from your vulnerability. It’s up to you to choose wisely. Be an educated consumer in this arena as in all others. Get referrals. Ask around. Do your homework. Because in a recession, the job market is a “market” in more ways than one.
With my mind set, I went looking for a qualified expert. I started asking for referrals and a friend of a friend knew a professional resume writer she called “amazing.” That’s actually how I met Deb Wheatman (if this part sounds like a shameless plug for my friend, I’m willing to live with it. Deb actually IS amazing. You can find her at http://resumesdonewrite.blogspot.com/). When all was said and done, I was thrilled with the results. There they were on the pages—all my skills and experiences. But they were presented in such a way that I now wanted everyone to have this description of me. It was like when someone takes your picture and you look so good you can hardly believe it’s you. I felt like it should have come with a cape and tights; with this resume, I was Super Candidate! I took my snazzy new CV and I hit the streets. I applied for jobs on-line, posted it on networking web sites and sent it off to valuable contacts.
A few days ago I signed up for a popular job searching web site; one that promises $100k jobs. I followed all the necessary protocols to open an account and uploaded my masterpiece. I was surprised to find there was a small fee involved, unlike some of the other career sites, but decided to sign up anyway. Not long after, I was contacted by the “staff” at that same site with an offer to “critique” my resume to ensure I would get the most out of their services. “Ha!” I thought “bring it on” and agreed to the challenge. Naturally, I expected to receive a response that sounded a lot like “Congratulations! Your resume is perfect! It needs nothing!”
Instead, I was sent a long reply detailing how my resume was “weak” and how I wouldn’t get interviews because of it. Lucky for me they’d be happy to “fix it” for the bargain price of $695 and if I acted now they’d throw in a cover letter for no additional charge (a $135 value!). The message went on and on and was totally clear: My wonderful resume (the one written by a recommended, certified professional) wasn’t good enough.
Then it hit me and I was furious. This was a commercial. One with an ominous warning: make this additional “investment” and have a bright future or decline their offer and perish in unemployment.
This is the business end of job searching and just as in fashion, cosmetics, fitness or whatever, there’s money to be made in convincing you that you’re not good enough. When looking for a new job, especially if you don’t currently have one, it’s natural to have anxieties around who will or won’t like you and what you should do to up your chances. From that angle, it’s easy to take job searchers for a ride. Do you need a professional resume that represents you well in the job market? Absolutely. Should you have your resume professionally written? At least once in your career, yes you probably should. Do you need to complete that exercise over and over to fulfill a revenue opportunity for those who see you as easy prey? No.
While there are certainly qualified experts who can offer you valuable information and services, there are just as many people ready and willing to profit from your vulnerability. It’s up to you to choose wisely. Be an educated consumer in this arena as in all others. Get referrals. Ask around. Do your homework. Because in a recession, the job market is a “market” in more ways than one.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)