Playing it Safe

I was speaking to a close friend last night. She was lamenting the fact that she has not yet met “the one” (personally, I have no doubt that she will; I can’t think of a reason why she wouldn’t). Because I recognize this process can be a difficult one, I’m happy to lend an ear. Many did for me when I was in her shoes a few years back. What I said to her and how she responded turned out to be more thought-provoking for me than I believe it was for her.

I thought I was being a good friend when I said “You just have to believe you will meet the right person.” She replied “This whole thing is so confusing. They tell us to ‘believe’ and then say ‘but don’t let your expectations get too high.’ They say ‘it happens when you least expect it’ and then they tell us ‘always have your eyes open for the right person.’” She was right. What a paradox! And then it hit me: when you come right down to it we are a whole culture of “expect the best but prepare for the worst” people.

Our elders are a good example of this. For many of us while growing up, our parents and teachers told us “follow your dreams” but then encouraged us to “be smart and play it safe.” Some even told us that if we didn’t play it safe, somehow we’d pay the price. I have another friend whose mom has been encouraging her to take a job that would provide a modest yet steady paycheck rather than pursue her dream at 40 of being a singer. There’s a message in there that following our dreams just isn’t “realistic.” Who wouldn’t be confused or even fearful? Honestly, this is no slight on our elders. They love us, they mean well and the last thing they want is to see us get hurt. But if you go one step further, there often seems to be someone close by ready and willing to tell us the “downside” of whatever it is that excites us.

“You’re going to try that in this economy?”
“Meeting people is just impossible.”
“Only a small percentage of people who try that succeed”
“Make sure you’re not biting off more than you can chew.”
“Don’t set yourself up for failure.”

If life prompts us to stick our necks out for what we want, why don’t we encourage each other to take fate up on the offer? I think it becomes a question of managing risk. What’s the risk in whole-heartedly believing with no fear whatsoever that you’ll meet the “right one?” What’s the risk in following your passion, even if there are financial or personal factors? Is the biggest risk that you might get your heart broken or end up working a traditional job anyway? I submit that the biggest risk of all might be going through life saying “I’m going to play it nice and safe because I don’t really expect my dreams to come true anyway.” Even as I re-read that sentence it seems tragic.

I’m not saying there aren’t plenty of good people around us that don’t have valuable and helpful input. I’m just saying that it might be worth learning to separate the valuable from the cynical. I’m starting to believe that the people who succeed – really succeed—are the people who just get really good at tuning out the “Downsiders.” They are a breed of people that know that “reality” often bends to the will of the bold. They know the power of a healthy dose of what many would call “denial.” As far as the naysayers? Bless them, love them, silently thank them for their concern and forge ahead. It’s your adventure. Is it denial or faith? It’s really up to you.